Why do battered women feel trapped?

Why do battered women
feel trapped?

Simply, because they often are trapped. That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s no way out. But there are many obstacles to achieving safety or to ending a relationship with a violent partner, and the choices women confront are not risk-free.

Risks of Seeking Help or Deciding to Leave

Physical violence and psychological harm

Risk of escalated threats and physical violence, resulting in harm to victim, children, friends, or family
Risk that batterer will follow through on suicide threats and harm himself
Risk of continued harassment, stalking, and verbal and emotional attacks, especially if batterer has ongoing contact (such as during court ordered visitation)
Risk of serious physical harm and/or death

Children

Continued risk to children of emotional and physical harm; possibility of increased risks to children if batterer has unsupervised visitation
Risk of losing children by parental kidnapping or as the result of a legal custody decision
Risk of negative impact on children as a result of “breaking up the family”

Financial

Risk of reduced standard of living - possible loss of home, possessions, neighborhood
Risk of losing income or job - may lose partner’s income, may have to quit a job in order to relocate or to fulfill the responsibilities of single parenthood, may be prevented from working because of threats and harassment

Relationship

Risk of losing partner, losing the relationship
Risk of losing help with children, transportation, household
For elderly women or women with disabilities, risk of losing caretaker

Responses from friends, family members, and helping professionals

Risk of not being believed or taken seriously, being blamed, being pressured to do something she’s not ready or able to do
Risk of being judged as a bad wife, partner or mother
Risk of being pressured to maintain the relationship based on religious and/or cultural beliefs or because the children “need a father”
Risk that actions of “helpers” may increase danger

Under the best of circumstances, it is difficult to end a relationship with an intimate partner. Love, family, shared memories, and a sense of commitment are bonds that are hard to break. Battered women face the additional risks of physical, emotional and psychological harm. In addition, many battered women want the violence to stop, but they don’t want the relationship to end.

Seeking help, getting an order of protection, or deciding to leave only makes sense to a woman when, on balance, it reduces the overall risks that she and her children have to deal with.

There are risks attached to
every decision a battered woman makes.
- - -
Safety planning is the process of evaluating
the risks and benefits of different options
and identifying ways to reduce the risks.

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