What is domestic violence?


Recognizing what behaviors are part of domestic violence is not always easy, even for victims themselves. This is in part because domestic violence is much more than physical abuse. In fact, many battered women who are controlled by their partners and who live in danger and fear have never been physically assaulted.

Understanding what domestic violence is means being aware of the many different things men do in order to control their female partners. The following checklist of behaviors may help you decide if you or someone you know is being abused.

Does your partner. . .

Use emotional and psychological control?
• call you names, yell, put you down, make racial or homophobic slurs, or constantly criticize or undermine you and your abilities as a wife, partner, or mother?
  
• behave in an overprotective way or become extremely jealous?
• make it difficult for you to see family or friends, or “badmouth” your family and friends?
• prevent you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you want to?
• humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?
Use economic control?
• deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, or car?
• control all the finances, force you to account for what you spend, or take your money?
• prevent you from getting or keeping a job or from going to school?
• limit your access to health, prescription and/or dental insurance?

Make threats?
• threaten to report you to the authorities (the police or child protective services) for something you didn't do?
• threaten to harm or kidnap the children?
• make you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures?
• display weapons as a way of making you afraid or directly threaten you with weapons?
• use his anger or "loss of temper" as a threat to get you to do what he wants?
• threaten to expose your sexual orientation to friends, family, or employer, if you are gay or lesbian?

Commit acts of physical violence?
• carry out threats to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or himself?
• destroy personal property or throw things around?
• grab, push, hit, punch, slap, kick, choke, or bite you?
• force you to have sex when you don't want to or to engage in sexual acts that you don't want to do?
• prevent you from taking medications or getting medical care?
• deny you access to food, fluids or sleep?

These are some of the most common tactics used by abusive men to control their female partners, but certainly not the only ones. If your partner does things that restrict your personal freedom or that make you afraid, you may be a victim of domestic violence.

You are not alone. Millions of women are abused by their partners every year. The good news is that more resources are available now than ever before to help women and their children be safe.

If you are being abused,
you have a right to be safe.

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