Responses as Guides to Action

Responses as Guides to Action:
Working with Victims of Domestic Violence
Adapted with permission from Susan Schechter, MA

The Victim's Response The Worker's Response What you can do for the victim What you can do for yourself
FEAR Of getting hurt again or being rejected by those close to her or by institutional personnel. Of being injured or killed. Specific phobias can develop. Of getting involved. Of what might happen to you. Of getting hurt. That what happened to victims could happen to you. Specific phobias can develop. Offer medical attention, safety options i.e, shelter, moving, living with friend. Listen to her fears. Help her anticipate dangers and plan for safety. Do not discount any fears; they are based on reality. Establish safety procedures; 1) People who will look out for you. 2) Self-defense courses.

Talk out your fears.
DENIAL Of the seriousness or even the existence of the problem. May put problem outside of herself. She may say "This can't be happening or “I have a problem; he doesn't.”
Of the seriousness of the problem or that there is a problem or that it can happen to you. Remember that denial is a defense, not a shortcoming. Continue to encourage communication while respecting the survival value of her defenses. Find someone to talk to. Process cases or sessions. Attempt to learn more about your own victimization experiences; your resilience, skills, and unresolved issues.
The Victim's Response The Worker's Response What you can do for the victim What you can do for yourself
OVERWHELMED By lack or total inadequacy of options and resources. By feelings of terror, rage, helplessness. By urgency of need to drastically change her entire life, i.e., move, find new schools, new job. By other people’s expectations. By lack or total inadequacy of options and resources for victims. By hearing too many painful, scary stories. By anxiety because you cannot control client's fate. By anxiety because victim's safety is questionable. Help her mobilize a support network. Help her prioritize and focus on safety as the primary concern. Help client articulate goals. Point out her personal strengths. Establish realistic goals. Try to determine your own limits and personal needs. Talk out feelings. Check out your expectations for yourself and for clients. Use support networks for yourself and victim.
DISCOURAGEMENT Being beaten down by having ventured forth before and finding that nothing worked. Constant confrontation with institutional indifference or hostility. Support systems will not come through and she may feel unable to mobilize herself anymore. Cannot do anything for victim.

Victim's discouragement may produce overwhelming anxiety about your own helplessness. Violence makes you acutely aware of how helpless you can be. Do not establish goals for clients based upon your definition of "what's best." Help her see that there are alternatives. Try to understand the significance of even small steps. Help her believe she can regain control over her life. Try to establish specific areas where you and victim can succeed. Share your concerns. Feel mastery in your job; know resources, helpful counseling ideas and what has worked for other programs.
The Victim's Response The Worker's Response What you can do for the victim What you can do for yourself
ANGER Anger may be at you, institutions, her partner, family, or everyone. Anger or rage can be evident immediately, delayed or expressed non-verbally.
At victim/system/or own helplessness. Anger at supervisory or system pressures. Anger may be a response to fear of our own vulnerability. Rage at indifference of institutions and their lack of concern. Do not be afraid of its expression; recognize that it may be difficult and extremely frightening. Do not try to take angry feelings away from the victim, even when they make you uncomfortable. Allow for outlets, including humor, within your organization. Realize that political change must occur before the problem will end. Direct your anger into political groups, agency change, advocacy. Acknowledge and celebrate victories.
GUILT Believing that something she did or something about how she is caused the abuse. Guilt over leaving/hurting/letting down others. Over partner's distress and problem. For being angry at client. The lack of options or a victim's inability to use them provokes a sense of inadequacy. Do not negate guilt. Instead, acknowledge it and see it as part of the process. Guilt may help her regain a sense of personal control. However, do not let her hang on to guilt; say,"This was not your fault." Begin to acknowledge your limits and that you cannot control what is happening to her. Help develop good resources so that you feel you have done the best possible job.
The Victim's Response The Worker's Response What you can do for the victim What you can do for yourself
TRUST Client may not trust you because you are seen as part of "the system," and she has had previous bad experiences. You may not trust client, perhaps because other clients have not fulfilled your expectations. You may tend to judge a victim when you think her behavior is dangerous or self- defeating. Do not push. Acknowledge differences between you. Encourage her to express disappointment when trust is betrayed. Recognize clients have strengths and often find their own mechanisms for solving their problems. Our solutions may not be the best. Promise only what you can deliver and deliver on your promises. Treat victim with respect.
DEPRESSION Feelings of worthlessness, "I have tried but nothing changes." "I've ruined my life and hurt others close." This feeling is reinforced by family and institutions. Feelings of failure when victim does something you think is harmful. Feeling as if you did not help, that your efforts meant nothing. Help her mourn. Allow her to share her pain with you. Assist her in regaining control over her life. Affirm her strengths. Talk out your feelings and share the pain. Look at how you punish yourself for not doing enough for people. Take time off. Develop outside interests.
AMBIVALENCE May question whether or not she should leave or terminate the relationship. Partner may be both loving and violent. She may have to make drastic life style changes and feels legitimately ambivalent about them. May question whether or not victim should "break up family". May feel ambivalent about getting involved with victims. Acknowledge ambivalence. Do not push her to change. She must make her own choices and resolve conflictual feelings. Allow her to express her ambivalence, and accept it. Examine the sources of our ambivalence -- value systems, societal pressures, stereotypes, etc. Acknowledge your own ambivalence. Do not avoid talking about client's ambivalence; accept it as part of the deal.
The Victim's Response The Worker's Response What you can do for the victim What you can do for yourself

Adapted with permission from Susan Schechter, MA
New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence

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	The Victim's Response	The Worker's Response	What you can do for the victim	What you can do for yourself
FEAR	Of getting hurt again or being rejected by those close to her or by institutional personnel. Of being injured or killed. Specific phobias can develop.	Of getting involved. Of what might happen to you. Of getting hurt. That what happened to victims could happen to you. Specific phobias can develop.	Offer medical attention, safety options i.e, shelter, moving, living with friend. Listen to her fears. Help her anticipate dangers and plan for safety.	Do not discount any fears; they are based on reality. Establish safety procedures; 1) People who will look out for you. 2) Self-defense courses. Talk out your fears.
DENIAL	Of the seriousness or even the existence of the problem. May put problem outside of herself. She may say "This can't be happening or “I have a problem; he doesn't.”	Of the seriousness of the problem or that there is a problem or that it can happen to you.	Remember that denial is a defense, not a shortcoming. Continue to encourage communication while respecting the survival value of her defenses.	Find someone to talk to. Process cases or sessions. Attempt to learn more about your own victimization experiences; your resilience, skills, and unresolved issues.
	The Victim's Response	The Worker's Response	What you can do for the victim	What you can do for yourself
OVERWHELMED	By lack or total inadequacy of options and resources. By feelings of terror, rage, helplessness. By urgency of need to drastically change her entire life, i.e., move, find new schools, new job. By other people’s expectations.	By lack or total inadequacy of options and resources for victims. By hearing too many painful, scary stories. By anxiety because you cannot control client's fate. By anxiety because victim's safety is questionable.	Help her mobilize a support network. Help her prioritize and focus on safety as the primary concern. Help client articulate goals. Point out her personal strengths.	Establish realistic goals. Try to determine your own limits and personal needs. Talk out feelings. Check out your expectations for yourself and for clients. Use support networks for yourself and victim.
DISCOURAGEMENT	Being beaten down by having ventured forth before and finding that nothing worked. Constant confrontation with institutional indifference or hostility. Support systems will not come through and she may feel unable to mobilize herself anymore.	Cannot do anything for victim. Victim's discouragement may produce overwhelming anxiety about your own helplessness. Violence makes you acutely aware of how helpless you can be.	Do not establish goals for clients based upon your definition of "what's best." Help her see that there are alternatives. Try to understand the significance of even small steps. Help her believe she can regain control over her life.	Try to establish specific areas where you and victim can succeed. Share your concerns. Feel mastery in your job; know resources, helpful counseling ideas and what has worked for other programs.
	The Victim's Response	The Worker's Response	What you can do for the victim	What you can do for yourself
ANGER	Anger may be at you, institutions, her partner, family, or everyone. Anger or rage can be evident immediately, delayed or expressed non-verbally.	At victim/system/or own helplessness. Anger at supervisory or system pressures. Anger may be a response to fear of our own vulnerability. Rage at indifference of institutions and their lack of concern.	Do not be afraid of its expression; recognize that it may be difficult and extremely frightening. Do not try to take angry feelings away from the victim, even when they make you uncomfortable.	Allow for outlets, including humor, within your organization. Realize that political change must occur before the problem will end. Direct your anger into political groups, agency change, advocacy. Acknowledge and celebrate victories.
GUILT	Believing that something she did or something about how she is caused the abuse. Guilt over leaving/hurting/letting down others. Over partner's distress and problem.	For being angry at client. The lack of options or a victim's inability to use them provokes a sense of inadequacy.	Do not negate guilt. Instead, acknowledge it and see it as part of the process. Guilt may help her regain a sense of personal control. However, do not let her hang on to guilt; say,"This was not your fault."	Begin to acknowledge your limits and that you cannot control what is happening to her. Help develop good resources so that you feel you have done the best possible job.
	The Victim's Response	The Worker's Response	What you can do for the victim	What you can do for yourself
TRUST	Client may not trust you because you are seen as part of "the system," and she has had previous bad experiences.	You may not trust client, perhaps because other clients have not fulfilled your expectations. You may tend to judge a victim when you think her behavior is dangerous or self- defeating.	Do not push. Acknowledge differences between you. Encourage her to express disappointment when trust is betrayed.	Recognize clients have strengths and often find their own mechanisms for solving their problems. Our solutions may not be the best. Promise only what you can deliver and deliver on your promises. Treat victim with respect.
DEPRESSION	Feelings of worthlessness, "I have tried but nothing changes." "I've ruined my life and hurt others close." This feeling is reinforced by family and institutions.	Feelings of failure when victim does something you think is harmful. Feeling as if you did not help, that your efforts meant nothing.	Help her mourn. Allow her to share her pain with you. Assist her in regaining control over her life. Affirm her strengths.	Talk out your feelings and share the pain. Look at how you punish yourself for not doing enough for people. Take time off. Develop outside interests.
AMBIVALENCE	May question whether or not she should leave or terminate the relationship. Partner may be both loving and violent. She may have to make drastic life style changes and feels legitimately ambivalent about them.	May question whether or not victim should "break up family". May feel ambivalent about getting involved with victims.	Acknowledge ambivalence. Do not push her to change. She must make her own choices and resolve conflictual feelings. Allow her to express her ambivalence, and accept it.	Examine the sources of our ambivalence -- value systems, societal pressures, stereotypes, etc. Acknowledge your own ambivalence. Do not avoid talking about client's ambivalence; accept it as part of the deal.
	The Victim's Response	The Worker's Response	What you can do for the victim	What you can do for yourself